How Full is Your Cup?

Nan-in, a Japanese Zen master, received a visit from a university professor who wanted to know about zen. They sat and visited and talked for a while.

Nan-in then took out tea cups and tea and proceeded to pour tea for his guest. He filled his guest's cup and continued to pour as the tea spilled over the sides. The professor, unable to restrain himself, cried : "Stop. The cup is full, no more will go in." Nan-in replied: "Like this cup, you too are full.  You area already full of your own judgments, speculations, ideas and opinions. How can you begin to learn until you empty your cup first?"

The lesson for us is that we cannot learn if we believe we already know everything.  How often do you think you are open but in reality, your cup is already full?

Words of Wisdom

I've learned -

that you cannot make someone love you.

All you can do is

be someone who can be loved.

The rest is up to them.

I've learned -

that no matter how much I care,

some people just don't care back.

I've learned -

that it takes years to build up trust,

and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -

that it's not what you have in your life

but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -

that you can get by on charm

for about fifteen minutes.

After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -

that you shouldn't compare

yourself to the best others can do

but to the best you can do.

I've learned -

that it's not what happens to people

that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -

that you can do something in an instant

that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned -

that no matter how thin you slice it,

there are always two sides.

I've learned -

that it's taking me a long time

to become the person I want to be.

I've learned -

that it's a lot easier

to react than it is to think.

I've learned -

that you should always leave

loved ones with loving words.

It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned -

that you can keep going

long after you think you can't.

I've learned -

that we are responsible for what we do,

no matter how we feel.

I've learned -

that either you control your attitude

or it controls you.

I've learned -

that regardless of how hot and steamy

a relationship is at first,

the passion fades and there had better be

something else to take its place.

I've learned -

that heroes are the people

who do what has to be done

when it needs to be done,

regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -

that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned -

that there are people who love you dearly,

but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -

that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned -

that my best friend and I can do anything

or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -

that sometimes the people you expect

to kick you when you're down

will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned -

that sometimes when I'm angry

I have the right to be angry,

but that doesn't give me

the right to be cruel.

I've learned -

that true friendship continues to grow,

even over the longest distance.

Same goes for true love

I've learned -

that just because someone doesn't love you

the way you want them to doesn't mean

they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -

that maturity has more to do with

what types of experiences you've had

and what you've learned from them

and less to do with how many

birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned -

that you should never tell a child

their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.

Few things are more humiliating, and

what a tragedy it would be

if they believed it.

I've learned -

that your family won't always

be there for you. It may seem funny,

but people you aren't related to

can take care of you and love you

and teach you to trust people again.

Families aren't biological.

I've learned -

that no matter how good a friend is,

they're going to hurt you

every once in a while

and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -

that it isn't always enough

to be forgiven by others.

Sometimes you have to learn

to forgive yourself.

I've learned -

that no matter how bad

your heart is broken

the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -

that our background and circumstances

may have influenced who we are,

but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned -

that sometimes when my friends fight,

I'm forced to choose sides

even when I don't want to.

I've learned -

that just because two people argue,

it doesn't mean they don't love each other

And just because they don't argue,

it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned -

that sometimes you have to put

the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -

that we don't have to change friends

if we understand that friends change.

I've learned -

that you shouldn't be so

eager to find out a secret.

It could change your life forever.

I've learned -

that two people can look

at the exact same thing

and see something totally different.

I've learned -

that no matter how you try to protect

your children, they will eventually get hurt

and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -

that there are many ways of falling

and staying in love.

I've learned -

that no matter the consequences,

those who are honest with themselves

get farther in life.

I've learned -

that no matter how many friends you have,

if you are their pillar you will feel lonely

and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned -

that your life can be changed

in a matter of hours

by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -

that even when you think

you have no more to give,

when a friend cries out to you,

you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -

that writing, as well as talking,

can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -

that the paradigm we live in

is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -

that credentials on the wall

do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -

that the people you care most about in life

are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -

that although the word "love"

can have many different meanings,

it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -

that it's hard to determine

where to draw the line

between being nice and

not hurting people's feelings

and standing up for what you believe.

~Author unknown but greatly appreciated

Keep Learning

What is important is to keep learning, to enjoy challenge, and to tolerate ambiguity.  In the end there are no certain answers.

~ Matina Horner

Pain

Pain is part of being alive, and we need to learn that.  Pain does not last forever, nor is it necessarily unbeatable, and we need to be taught that.

~Harold Kushner

How to Live and Learn

Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever.

~Mahatma Gandhi

Eisenhower's Leadership Lessons

Among the many things that he was known for, General Dwight D. Eisenhower was known for being a great leader.  He has been quoted as saying "you do not lead by hitting people over the head--that's assault, not leadership". 

He used to demonstrate the art of leadership to his men by using a simple piece of string. He would gather a group to stand around a table.  He'd place a string on the table and lay it out straight.  Looking around the table at each of the men he would say to them  "pull the string and it will follow you where ever you wish. Push it and it will go nowhere at all."

The lesson in this is to ask yourself, who are you pushing? Have you realized it isn't going anywhere for either of you? How can you change your interaction?

What We Teach

We must believe the things we teach our children.

~Woodrow Wilson

When You Find Your Path...

When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need to have sufficient courage to make mistakes. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are [some of the] tools God uses to show us the way.

~Paulo Coelho

The Pencil

There was a man who earned his living by making pencils and selling them in boxes to people. 

Just before he put each one into a box, the pencil maker took the pencil and spoke to it.

"There are 5 things you need to know before I send you out into the world"  he told each pencil.  "Always remember them so that you can become the best pencil you can be."

The pencil maker imparted his lessons so that the pencil understood and promised to remember. The pencil went into the box with purpose in its heart and into the world to make a difference.

These were the five things the pencil maker shared:

One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand.

Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become better.

Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.

Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the conditions are, you must continue to write.

The lessons for us here are parallel:

1. We we can do great things when we follow the guidance we are given.
2. Not everything will be easy, but it will be worth it.
3. We all get second chances.
4. What we are inside-our values, thoughts, dreams- that is what really matters.
5. No matter how hard life seems, never give up. Use your life to make a difference.

Parenting Challenges

After He created Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve.  The first thing He did was tell them them the things they were not to do. "Don't," said God.

"Don't what?" replied Adam.

"Don't eat the forbidden fruit," God repeated.

"Forbidden fruit? We've got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve, look... we've got forbidden fruit!"

"No way!" exclaimed Eve.

"No kidding!"

"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.

"Why?" asked both.

"Because I'm your Father and I said so!" said God, and he wondered what He had started.

A little while later God checked in and sure enough, there they were having an apple break.  As any parent who was disobeyed would be, He was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the First Parent asked.

"Uh huh," Adam replied.

"Then why did you?"

"I dunno," Eve answered.

"She started it!" Adam said.

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

"Did not!" And so on.

Having had it with the two of them, God's "punished" Adam and Eve by giving them children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

There is a powerful lesson for parents in this story we've told so many times.  If you have found parenting to be a challenge, don't get beat yourself up.  If you have persistently and lovingly given your children rules, guidance and wisdom but they haven't always taken it, don't be too hard on yourself. Think about it this way instead - if God had trouble with His children, why do you think it would be easy for you?